Anxiety

I've started this post several times, and I don't exactly know how to start it. So I'm just going to jump right in. I have anxiety and depression. It's something that has plagued my life ever since I can remember. It's something I'm open about because a lot of people aren't. I think it's important to bring awareness to mental illness, because it's very real and easily goes unnoticed. It's often something that you can't see from the outside. I've become really good at putting on a face to cover the storm that's going on inside. 

Friday, was a day that I used to have more frequently than not. I've been on a really good streak for the last 6 months. Thanks to God, my patient husband, loving family and my amazing doctor. But Friday was another story. It was the first time in a long time that I had to leave work early because I couldn't focus on my job. I spent the afternoon going through the motions of trying to prevent the inevitable panic attack. That night, my husband and I had a concert we were going to. The KLove Positive Hits Tour, we were really stoked to see Passion with Kristian Stanfill. I overcompensated for what I was feeling by dolling myself up. But I couldn't shake the anxiety and the negative energy running through my head.

I decided to snap chat in the moment because I tend to only post things that are "perfect" and I'm not by any means perfect. We went to the concert, which was phenomenal. It was my first professional worship concert, and it was amazing to be in a room with hundreds of people worshiping Jesus. During that time the anxiety and darkness left my heart and mind and I was full of God's love. 

After leaving the concert, it all came flooding back. And the inevitable happened, it was a long time coming and bound to happen, but that doesn't mean it wasn't difficult. I know that even though for the time being they've slowed down and I'm learning more and more how to combat them, it's something I'm going to be dealing with for the rest of my life. I don't tell you this to throw myself a pity party and say, "Hey, look how hard I have it." No. I tell you this because I know that there are a lot of people out there that deal with the same thing that don't have the support I do now. I used to be in the same boat. I use to fight this fight alone. But I'm here to let you know that you don't have to. That you've got someone fighting the same fight. I've made it this far, and I'm not stopping now.